Jason Porath

has a website, i guess

Month: July 2005 (page 1 of 2)

Return of Uncanny Bus Tale

So the other night, I was out and about, and was riding the subway back to my place. And as usual, LA public transit never failed to let its freak flag fly.

So I get off at my subway stop, and as I’m heading up the stairs from the platform, I heard the sound of liquid spilling and hitting the ground. When I got to the top of the stairs, a puddle of yellowish liquid corroborated my auditory observation. “Oh,” I thought to myself, “someone has spilled their lemonade. That’s kind of gross. I’ll step around it.”

Then I heard the spilling sound again. Not ten steps ahead of me festered another yellow pool. Perhaps some sort of leak from the ceiling?

Rounding the corner, once more the sound of liquid familiarizing itself with tile flooded the corridor. This time, though, the source revealed itself — the yellow beverage was issuing forth with nonchalant effort from the mouth of a nearby subway passenger. The remarkable thing about all this is that this Paragon of Puke never slowed his walk; he just kept on trucking as amber fluids made an exodus from his gullet. This man vomited no less than ten times (I counted), three of them on the escalator. He was singularly unfazed both by his alarmingly routine cleansing, and the half-dozen subway passengers who were exclaiming, “Dude! Come on!”

As I exited the station, I saw this remarkable man continue his amble down the street. In the direction of the cheapest bars in the neighborhood.

Godspeed, Mr. Sloppy Drunk. Godspeed.

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Oh shit, it is -on- now.

America, Fuck Yeah!

Remember that conservative comic I blogged about awhile back? Where Usama Bin Laden was an ambassador, Michael Moore and Chelsea Clinton ran the world, and the underground heroes were G Gordon Liddy and Oliver North?

Well, it’s called Liberality, and they posted previews.

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Now, granted, I think the man’s a tool, but this is damn funny:

Grove’s anti-abortion float, “Dr. Butcher’s Chop Shop of Choice Cuts,” features fetuses and mutilated body parts.

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Oh my god, it’s Howl’s Moving Castle.

The true spirit of Xmas

Inappropriate Japanese ad for Passion of the Christ.

Best as I can tell, the red says something like “Christ was killed, and thus Christmas was born.”

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So some of my Californian friends often shake their heads sadly at my eating habits, or the fact that I didn’t know how to cut an avocado. I say to you, I could be much worse.

The leader in Cruci-fiction!

Honestly, I can’t tell if this is a joke or not. I mean, come on… Gaia Rites, a pagan lesbian who values the earth more than men…?

Totally shouldn’t have called that mosquito’s mother a whore

So today I visited Travel Town, a smallish train museum in Griffith Park. The aim, you see, is to find out how the insides of Pullman sleeper cars circa 1890 were lit. I am pretty sure it was via carriage lamps, but I do not know. Also, how many chairs did they have? How did said chairs fold into beds? How many people were seated at each seat? Did they sleep two to a bed? There are a thousand train-related mysteries.

I get to the gate and there’s nobody at the information booth. After walking around several minutes, I have yet to find any T-Town employees, and have barely found any fellow visitors. I have, however, found a lot of signs telling me not to climb on the trains. Oh well, I think, I will take advantage of the area’s desertion and climb onto one of the trains without anyone seeing. Wrong. Can’t get inside. They’re all locked.

After trying every car roughly like the model I was looking for, I finally gave up and went to the gift shop, where I found the only employee I was to see the entire trip. She had no idea how the insides of the trains were lit, and referred me to a childrens’ book on trains that they were selling. It also proved devoid of information. She gave me the numbers of the two employees who might know the answers to my questions — but they only work weekends.

So, having wasted most of my afternoon, I wander back to my car, when I notice a pair of young Russian women pushing strollers, yammering on and pointing to a sign outside the entrance. After they move out of the way, I move closer, to read the sign:

“WEST NILE VIRUS HAS BEEN DETECTED IN THIS AREA.”

…spent the rest of the car ride home scratching at non-existent mosquito bites and worrying if my brain was swelling up back there.

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Textured the passenger car. The windows are still a little wonky, possibly reflecting too much of the (invisible) background, but I want to see them in motion and judge it that way. Also need to figure out how lighting the inside of the car will work.

Edit: Added an interior shot. Again, lighting is very temp (although I like the mood it’s getting at), wood around the windows is a little wonky, and chair cushion shader needs a little work. Still, coming along.

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