Jason Porath

has a website, i guess

Month: September 2005 (page 1 of 2)


So, looks like I will be able to go see Serenity on Monday, before it comes out. I am giddy about this. For those of you who don’t know about Serenity, here’s the official word on it:

Joss Whedon, the Oscar® – and Emmy – nominated writer/director responsible for the worldwide television phenomena of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE, ANGEL and FIREFLY, now applies his trademark compassion and wit to a small band of galactic outcasts 500 years in the future in his feature film directorial debut, Serenity. The film centers around Captain Malcolm Reynolds, a hardened veteran (on the losing side) of a galactic civil war, who now ekes out a living pulling off small crimes and transport-for-hire aboard his ship, Serenity. He leads a small, eclectic crew who are the closest thing he has left to family –squabbling, insubordinate and undyingly loyal.

Yeah, that’s marketing. Whoo. What is it really about, you ask?

Serenity is the movie sequel to the short-lived Firefly TV series. I was never a fan of Buffy, Angel, or any of the rest of the Whedonverse, so it came as a bit of a surprise that Firefly was as good as it was. I have the problem of being able to tell what a show is going to do way before it does it, which comes from 4 years of film criticism classes. Firefly surprised me at several turns. The main character is… well, Han Solo, but more evil. I was kept on my toes, which is more than I can say for most shows. Plus, Whedon writes good snark. His current run on X-Men is the best the book’s ever been, as far as I’m concerned. Firefly was a damned good show, and I hope that the movie goes well, so that they make new episodes, a la Family Guy.

If anyone wants to watch Firefly, let me know and I’ll loan you the DVDs. It’s a damn fine show.


If I ever form a band, the following things will happen:

1) The first album will be named “Eponymous” or “Self-titled debut”.
2) The first song we try to get on the radio will be named “Single”.
3) The name of the band will be “Sold out show” or “My favorite band”.

Similarly, if I ever found a restaurant, I will change the items on the menu to be named “The Best Hamburger in Town,” “The Best Goddamn French Fries I’ve Ever Had,” and “The Steak Voted #1 By Leading Food Critics”. Then, just to fuck with people, I’d probably make them all taste like crap, and make it so that “The Best Hamburger in Town” was actually a small salad.


More LA weirdness:

1) Walking to my car, I see a woman pushing a stroller, walking towards me. As she gets closer, the baby carriage begins to emit a hideous howling noise. Peering into it, I can see the woman is carrying her dog.
2) Walking to lunch with my co-worker Amy, a short, fat young woman, holding her crotch and walking like a pimp, comes strutting by us. From down the block, we can hear her piercing voice. As she passes us, she yells to Amy, “Nice catholic schoolgirl outfit! Want to come home with me?!” Amy was wearing a plaid skirt. On the way back, we meet up with another co-worker who has been hassled by her. However, with him, she stood next to him the entire time he was in line and talked to him about Jesus and the Prophecies and the End of Days.


Holy crap, this music video is awesome. Made entirely on a 1979 Apple ][+.


The following taglines have been suggested for me:

Jason: Gumption and Gonorrhea!
Jason: Diction and Diarrhea!
Jason: Looseness and Logorrhea!
Jason: Heartiness and Hemmhorroids!

(the last one was suggested as Ananda and I ran out of -rrhea words, and it was the closest we could think of)

This unnatural life

As I sat there, staring at the one-inch tall disembodied human head repeatedly asking “What’s up?”, I began to think that, perhaps, my job is a bit unnatural.


Katrina: The Gathering

The Saga of the Delicious Chicken

Gather round, lend me an open ear, that I may impart to you the Saga of the Delicious Chicken.

Currently at work, I’ve become defacto digital prop master for this movie. It requires me to build a hideous amount of 3D objects based on reference from the set, so we can create set extensions, and thus make the set appear to go on much longer than it actually does. This scene is set in a ship’s galley (kitchen), so there’s tons of cooking equipment and ingredients laying about.

And then there is The Chicken.

When one first peruses the catalog of reference photos, one usually does so as if one were playing a movie, quickly playing through all the pictures at a brisk 24 frames per second. Doing this gives one a very instinctual understanding of what is in the galley, as well as what has the most reference, because they have more pictures and thus appear onscreen longer.

The Chicken stayed onscreen for over a second. That’s almost twice as much as any other object. This roast chicken, well garnished and expertly cooked, had captured the imagination of the photographer, coercing him or her to capture somewhere around 10 million pixels worth of poultrine posterity.

The construction of The Delicious Chicken has proven a thorny issue, and has been the subject of an inordinate number of debates among the prop team. Currently it is on version 5. Everything else is on version 2, if that.

Staring at The Chicken, as I am wont to do when creating a geometrical representation of it, I noticed myself salivating. My stomach contracted in upon itself. Lo, the hunger took hold. My stomach was enchanted by the unearthly charms of The Chicken. To take my mind off of It, I began to chat with one of my friends via instant messenger. I told her of my predicament, described Its glazed exterior. A foolish move, for all too soon, The Fowl reached through the vast reaches of the internet and caught hold of her as well — yes, my friend, too, was a victim of the hunger.

But Its Poultrine Power was not yet exhausted. Yea, upon my friend’s homecoming that very night, she saw that The Chicken had found its way even to her household: her family had made roast chicken for dinner.

The mystery deepened (some would say “collapsed”) earlier today upon my recounting of the Saga to my co-worker, John. John, being well-versed in the world of moldmaking and prosthetic makeup, instantly surmised, with 95% certainty, that The Chicken was, in actuality, made out of foam. I suspect that it was forged in the fires of Mount Doom. Even now, its very representation holds sway over the minds of men. Through electronic conveyances, we are found in our sanctum santoriums. In the darkness, we are bound to the Savory Sabor.


Remind me to pack my heavy coat when I go to hell, forecast is looking kind of chilly.


This looks very awesome.

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