(this was a tweeting spree from 4 years ago)
Chatting with co-workers re: Kung Fu Panda 3 possibilities — decided to lobby for salamander w/leprosy as next villain.
Think about it. Every time Po hits him, a piece of him goes flying off, only to quickly regenerate.
They would fight until sundown on an ever-growing mountain of his discarded body parts. He would live in a castle of his own decaying flesh.
Only to find out he is but a disciple of Master Leprous Starfish, who, when hit, loses pieces that grow into copies of himself.
To defeat Master Leprous Starfish, Po would learn the Universe Punch — a technique that punches everyone in the universe simultaneously.
Shifu: “Po, first you must become one with the universe. Then you must hit the universe in its stupid face.”
CUT TO: Shifu getting punched in the back of the head and falling down steep mountainous stairs.
CUT TO: innocent toddler rabbit, skipping along a field; punched with neck-shattering force in the teeth.
CUT TO: elderly deer matron, resting in her sickbed, suddenly punched in the ovaries.
CUT TO: hideous slavering martians orbiting the moon; they double over as they are one-two punched in the throat.
CUT TO: Po punching himself in the crotch. Not even he is safe from the terrifying power of the Universe Punch.
My co-worker’s response: counsel the story department to file a restraining order on me.
Another co-worker suggested that Master Brittle Salamander also be a hemophiliac. He can see the naked brilliance of my ideas.
(I never did submit the idea, sadly)